A Little ♥ and Soul

So, this year was the Year of Expr ession. I did a lot of knitting and made up some recipes (artistic expression). I didn't write as much as I wanted to, but I did my fair share. I'm perpetually working on my book - isn't everyo ne though? - and getting no where near close to having a concrete outline. There's still a lot of ideas floating around in my head that are needing to be written down somewhere. I'm a feign for lists. Ask anyone. I'll re-write them over and over again to get them perfect and then I quickly fold the list up and put in my pocket or in my bag. Then it inevitably gets tattered and worn and unreadable. Anyway, I feel like I haven't expressed myself, heart and soul, in the ways that I wanted to. I have no problem expressing myself by way of word. I may be quiet in real life, but I do have something to say. My artistic expression could use some work. I really wanted to get into photography this year but the lack of funds and motivation just...

Realities of Christmas 2011: *I'm having an abnormally GREEN Christmas. Meaning there are still (some) leaves on the trees and the grass is still green. It's weird to not have a couple inches of snow on the ground. *I'm poorer than poor. Just thinking that my rent is due in a week gives me hives and ulcers. *I miss my family so much it kind of makes me want to cry. *The only Christmas decorations we have up in the apartment are our stockings. It's pretty sad. It just doesn't feel like Christmas for me this year. I'm away from home. I have no money. There are hardly any Christmas decorations up in my apartment. There's no snow on the ground. It is cold though. Cold enough to snow even. But alas, no white Christmas for me. Which, in and of itself, is a weird concept for me. This is my first Christmas without snow in 8 years. My first Christmas not in Utah in as many years. My first Christmas without my nieces. I hate that I'm so far away from my family rig...

...it's hard to make a change. Some times it's just hard to be away from your family when you know you're exactly where you need to be. I think this Christmas is going to be especially hard for me. I remember the first Christmas without my mom. That was hard. Conscientiously deciding to move before Christmas, it's like reopening that wound. I've never spent a Christmas away from my family. Well, except one, but I had extended family and friends to be with. It's like the way that goes song, "It can't breathe without you. But I have to." I can't believe that I'm about to admit to this, but it hardly feels like Christmas without the snow. Sure, it's been overcast almost every day since I've arrived, but with no snow, no sun and perpetual overcast-edness, it's hard to feel like it's Christmas. Aside from the weather being dreary, I think what I'm going to miss most about the holiday are my nieces and nephew and my little bro...

I've been in Beaverton for T H R E E whole days. It feels very surreal to be here. Like, it hasn't fully sunk in that I can't walk down the street or hop on the Trax/bus/FrontRunner to go see my family. Well, the not seeing my family part has sunk in. I feel sad about that. Mostly, I feel, because it's the holidays and I'm pretty much in a foreign place with no one to really lean on. But I'll get to that in a minute. Firstly, I'm glad I'm here. I've needed the change for a while now. Secondly, being away from my family sucks. I've been in the same state with most of them for the past almost 8 1/2 years. Now that I'm away, I'm sad that I can't get to them in an hour's drive. Thirdly, it's been quite the culture shock. Beaverton, unlike any city in Utah, has A LOT of black people. Just in my complex, there's a ton of Somalians. I've seen, aside from my roommates, maybe 3 white people. It's weird to me, as...