you throw them back and aim for the head.
So UVU is 10 days into the spring semester and I have yet to see any sort of financial aid come through. I'm a little mad at myself for making that STUPID clerical error which will probably put me out another semester. ONE little box went unchecked on my loan counseling paperwork and of course, the student - me - has to either do without and drop out for the semester or magically pull $2500 out of their rear end, which would definitely be feat unto itself. Of course, this is all hypothetical. I don't actually know if my financial aid has hit the fan and is being spewed all over the place for other students to keep, but given the fact that LATE fees are going to be induced on the 20th, I'm almost certain that I won't be able to take any classes this semester.
Part of me is a little relieved though and it's a bit unsettling because I actually like school (wow...never thought I'd say that). I was certainly happier being busy with homework and worrying about getting that A in English or pondering on the realities of the business world. I was quite happy meeting people in my classes and doing projects and finally getting some sort of direction in my life instead of just existing. On the other hand, I have already missed a couple days of class mostly because I don't have the funds to buy the supplies or books that are required for me to do any of the classwork let alone my assignments (who the hell makes a student, on a FIXED income, purchase a $200 textbook that they'll never use again after the semester anyway? Oh yeah...my finance professor would. The self-proclaimed tightwad.). I already have an exam coming up next week and I am already falling behind on assignments that I would have already completed if I had just remembered to
check that stinkin' box.
Like I said, I am a little relieved though. Just a tiny minuscule part of my brain is telling me that I need to get a job instead of solely focusing on school this semester. That's right everyone: I've been jobless since the beginning of the fall semester. Well, that's not entirely true. I had a temporary job at the bookstore on campus for the first 2 weeks of the fall semester with a month of training before hand. While I was feeling rather stretched in doing my assignments last semester, not having a job like most of the other students on campus made me feel a little bit like a bum. Especially now, with the current situation and the Year of the Learner coming to a crashing halt on the academic side, I feel like a definite moocher for not having a job all along.
I like working...it makes me feel normal, useful, productive even. I like working...I don't necessarily love working, but I do have to give work a few bonus points for making me feel like I am able to fend for myself and not have leach off of anyone. I like my independence. I hate having to ask family members to pay for things that anyone with even the most part time of part time jobs would be able to purchase themselves. I like doing things with my friends. I hate not having the money to do anything. I can't even afford a freaking matinee at the dollar theater!
That's how poor I am.
So, since this seemingly HUGE mistake has been realized, there has been rumblings and whisperings of me moving back to California. Yeah, I've always said that I'd move back to California someday. In fact, I've been saying that ever since I stepped foot in Utah almost 7 years ago. I've been thinking about making the move actually happen more and more lately since my academic pursuits have been temporarily - maybe - on hold. I've also been researching schools in Southern California with my programs and it's quite possible that I could make this work. There are definite drawbacks though. Just there mere fact that California is going bankrupt would be grounds enough to stay in Utah where the job market is more stable. Granted, I've been looking for a job for the past 5 months and barely just got two calls for interviews today.
Other than the horrible state of being that California is in right now, I'm fairly certain that I could be happier. Yeah, the grass is always greener on the other side and it could be a complete delusion on my side, but there comes a point in a person's life where you just have cut something free from your life for a while to get your feet back on the ground. Utah has started to grow on me. I mean, as far as nature goes...the people, not so much. I love the mountains and the canyons in Utah. I really do. If I were to miss anything in Utah - other than my family - it would be the mountains. I like lists, so I'll make a list of
things I'd miss in Utah.
the mountains and canyons
Raj, the owner of the 7-11 across the street from the Provo Library
Alpine Loop
Salt Lake City
Maceys and their ice cream cones
living within 30 minutes of FIVE temples
the fun swings at Nilson's Grove Park
cheap tuition at a brand new university
Yeah...that's about it. There aren't many people that I'd miss once I left Utah. I don't make connections with people very easily. Sure, I have 300+ friends on Facebook, but if I were to go through that massive list, I'd be able to delete most of my friends list just going by who I'm related to and who I actually consider to be my friend. Plus, I haven't made a lot of friends with whom I'd be devastated if I didn't receive a wedding announcement. Very few. If I really thought about it, there are maybe 10 people at the most that I'd be a little sad about, but in the end, most of the friendships I've made here in Utah have been purely surface relationships or even self-serving on both sides. Although, some of my most favorite roommates have been had in this state. However short we lived together, there's something about being in close quarters that makes you love and hate a person so much that you just end up loving them even more at the end of the day.
Just a cautionary note: I didn't hate many of my roommates. In fact, I still love and cherish my friendships with the vast majority of them. I won't name names, but there were a few stinkers in there. Not many. Okay, maybe just 3 stinkers, but for the most part, I've had pretty awesome roommates...and I love them for putting up with my inabilities. :)
Anyhow, with the whole school and financial aid thing looming over me like the big dark cloud that it is, I've been yearning to do something a little adventurous and a bit out of the norm. Not that spontaneously moving to a different state would be out of character for me,
mostly because I've done that twice in my life already,
I need to get out of Utah and get to know myself better. You'd figure that at almost 29 (Yikes!) I'd know exactly who I am and what I want out of life. Somewhere in the midst of the journey I lost or forgot an integral part of myself. I see who I am now and the person I want to become down the road... it's just the getting there that has been a little muddled with.
Anyhow, if the jobs I've interviewed for actually happen and my financial aid doesn't go through this semester, I'll be working 2 jobs and transfer whatever credits I can to East L.A. College and start over there. I have a total of 3 credits already at ELAC plus all the classes that I've taken at UVU/UVSC over the years so I won't be starting over completely.
God willing...
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