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The Rare Touchy Feel-y Wear Your Emotions On Your Sleeve Post

So, I've been thinking about the people in my life. There are so many that have just come and gone as easily as I've come and gone from theirs. I think that as I've gotten older, the more I yearn for more of a connection. I have friends. Most are merely acquaintances. But I'm finding that once in a while I'll find a "golden egg" of an acquaintance and the relationship breaks into the friend bracket. I've met such a friend from my work and her friendship couldn't have come at a more opportune time in my life. Then there are the people in your life that you've known for a long while. Like more than five years. Some of them stick around and you're more than grateful for their friendship. Some of them, like I've mentioned, come and go pretty easily. They've left whatever impression they were meant to leave and have made a graceful exit from your life. Then there are those who you think have turned into a bosom buddy of sorts, at least in your mind. Things happen and years later, the friendship leaves you feeling like you've been giving so much of yourself into the friendship only to realize that you really haven't garnished anything from the friendship at all. It leaves you feeling empty. Like the friendship has been a sham the entire time and you don't know if it's you or if it's them. I'm feeling like that right now with at least one of my relationships in my life and I feel myself pulling away from the friendship. I don't feel like this person no longer regards me as a "best friend". I know there is a lot going on for this person that I can't really help them with except for giving them cliche sayings to "keep" them going.

I feel like I'm one of those people that expects something out of the friendship. I don't need a friend to constantly shower me with assurances that there is indeed some sort of relationship between the two of us. Nor do I need to speak to them every day. But to go weeks and weeks without so much as a text, an email, a handwritten letter when I'm putting forth the effort to be there for them....it's discouraging. And it only perpetuates the feeling that pulling away from the friendship is the right thing for me to do. I don't know. I feel like the friendship is one of those little keepsakes you got in high school and you just don't have the heart to throw away but you just don't need it anymore.

As I've gotten older, friendship stability has been the one of those things that has been absent from my life. Do I give up on the friendship? Or do I just step away from the relationship till things are on a more even playing field? I feel like I could just leave because it'd be easier; like they wouldn't even notice if I stopped posting on their Facebook wall or stopped responding to them at all. But at the same time, I feel like I'm tromping on all the effort that I put into the friendship.

I don't know what to do about it. As of right now, I really don't talk to this person anymore. I don't feel like the connection we had is even there; it's pretty non-existent at this point. At least that's how I feel. I hate feeding into their insecurities. I want to tell them so many things and shaking their shoulders but I don't feel like they'd even give what I have to say the time of day.

I don't know...I really don't. I'm just sending this out to the universe. Don't feel bad for me, dear reader. I have friends here that I know who treasure me as a person, how I feel and what I have to say. But this person is in that unknown section of my life and it's scary. Especially when they were such a treasured friend.

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