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Profoundly Rambling Thoughts

I'm here at my brother's house watching the kids. My usually sweet, adorable 1 year old nephew was a little stinker tonight so I figured that I'd give him a bath after I served the girls a scoop of ice cream. The screaming stopped for a little while...until I pulled the stopper from the drain. Screaming and general unhappiness ensued until I gave him his blanket and sat in the rocking chair. Unfortunately, or fortunately - however you want to look at the situation - the girls kept coming into the room thus not letting their little brother fall completely asleep. I was feeling cranky myself so I figured that I'd put him in his crib and just shut the door and walk away. Much to my surprise, there was no fight. No screaming. No crying. He just lay in his crib. Almost an hour later, after the girls finished their Curious George Christmas show on the TiVo, my sweet, adorable 1 year old nephew is still sound asleep. And so are my crazy little nieces. At least I'm hoping they're asleep. They were very tired. Must have been a long week in preschool, kindergarten and 2nd grade.

Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that I must move from Utah County for a season. I don't know how long that season will be but I NEED to get away. I'll probably end up in Ogden with my dad for a little while till I can find a place of my own. Or not. Depending on how my dad feels about the whole thing. I can't say I'm too crazy about moving to Ogden with my dad because of the crazy ex-wife and her lazy children being well...lazy and addicts. But that's a whole different story that I don't like facing very often. Moving is the best thing for me right now. My job security isn't as secure as before. This last semester of school didn't go very well. And it just comes down to not having enough money to pay my rent. There is only so much help I can get from outside sources - i.e. the Church, family members - before it comes down the bare facts that my job sucks thus leading to not such a financially secure present or future. I don't discuss these facts with anyone. I'm more of a bare your cross silently kind of person. Most of the time anyway. It's like the song says, "All my life I've tried to make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide. Waiting for someone to say it's my turn to decide." I had to really humble myself to go to the Bishop to talk about my predicament and it was my pride that got bruised more than anything else. Well, I guess it's just getting over myself and what I used to think.

Also, I'm tired of living with younger people. People under the age of 25. I don't mind living with my sister. I literally have YEARS of experience with living with her. It's just other people. The problem of finding roommates via Craigslist is that you never really know what you're going to get. The shiny exterior fades and the real person comes out and what you thought you were getting - i.e. a super stellar roommate who cleans up after themselves - turns into a blossoming slut who complains about the mounting dishes on the kitchen counter that actually belong to her.

But I digress.

I just really need to get out of Utah. But seeing as a 4 year degree here in the Beehive state is about half the cost any other in state tuition would go for in another state, I figure that I can stick around for a little while longer and finish. All in all, I've decided just move to Ogden, support my dad in any decisions he makes as far as trying to get his life back to a more desirable state of living and finish school up at good ol' Weber State. I do realize that it'll probably snow more there but I've been trolling Craigslist for apartments for my dad and I and I've gotta say, rent in Weber County - or maybe it's just Ogden - is way cheaper than here in yuppie-fied Utah County.

Anyway, not really any profound thoughts here. I'm still working on those. But I have - sort of - settled what I'll be doing and where I'll be doing those things for the next little while. And that is pretty comforting.

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