I've been contemplating so many things the past month and I don't know where it leaves me yet. There are a lot of things that I would rather be doing right now. Things I want to finish before I get "old". Places I want to visit and live. I feel I'm getting cagey, like I've been sitting in one place too long. I contemplated, for almost a whole second, about becoming transient. Cutting all my ties here in Utah, selling my stuff, pack my bags, buy a train ticket and just let the wind take me wherever it pleases.
It's a little strange thing to think about. The idea of packing up and selling most of my possessions to travel at a single whim is something that I want to do, but at the same time, I feel like I have to stay here because it's what is "expected" and "proper". I want to be a gypsy with a modern day twist. I look at people who have unlimited funds because they're trust fund kids or bum off the kindness of others and feel slightly jealous. Although, I'd rather not be corralled into either group, I really, REALLY want to just leave it all behind for a year or two and travel. Work things out for myself, get over things that I think living in Utah makes it hard to get over...generally, just clear my head and then come back with a semi-clean slate.
Maybe I feel like this because I want to go somewhere no one knows me. Maybe I'm just tired of being taken advantage of. Maybe I'm just sick of being here. Maybe it's a culmination of it all. I just feel like I need to get out of Utah for a long while. Most of my family lives here or within a 4 hour drive, so it makes sense to come back here after I'm done figuring things out.
Or maybe for the next 10 months - which gives me enough time for my condo contract to run out - I'll do something with my life, move to Eureka, California or some little coastal town in Oregon and figure things out.
The ocean is calling my name.
And maybe it'll have the answers I need.
It's a little strange thing to think about. The idea of packing up and selling most of my possessions to travel at a single whim is something that I want to do, but at the same time, I feel like I have to stay here because it's what is "expected" and "proper". I want to be a gypsy with a modern day twist. I look at people who have unlimited funds because they're trust fund kids or bum off the kindness of others and feel slightly jealous. Although, I'd rather not be corralled into either group, I really, REALLY want to just leave it all behind for a year or two and travel. Work things out for myself, get over things that I think living in Utah makes it hard to get over...generally, just clear my head and then come back with a semi-clean slate.
Maybe I feel like this because I want to go somewhere no one knows me. Maybe I'm just tired of being taken advantage of. Maybe I'm just sick of being here. Maybe it's a culmination of it all. I just feel like I need to get out of Utah for a long while. Most of my family lives here or within a 4 hour drive, so it makes sense to come back here after I'm done figuring things out.
Or maybe for the next 10 months - which gives me enough time for my condo contract to run out - I'll do something with my life, move to Eureka, California or some little coastal town in Oregon and figure things out.
The ocean is calling my name.
And maybe it'll have the answers I need.
Comments