So it's been a crazy couple of days. I found out that I had the answer to a certain prayer that was prayed staring me right in the face and decided to interpret it wrong and do what I wanted to do instead of having faith in my Heavenly Father and go with His answer. Yesterday in Sacrament, we sang I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go and I started to cry because I knew that I had chosen the wrong answer and went against the will of my Heavenly Father. After I realized it, I decided, fine. I'll do it. I'll take the leap. I really don't want to, but thy will be done.
So Michelle and I went visiting teaching and went home. I realized, as well, that I was pretty much a monster towards Michelle who didn't deserve the attitude that I gave her. I needed to think. I needed to pray. I simply needed to be alone. By myself. Michelle went to go visit some friends and I was alone to think without any interruptions. I needed to write out what I was feeling. I have always been better at writing what I feel rather than speaking it. It's just be easier for me to do it that way. So I wrote Michelle a note explaining why I had been so hesitant to move in with her to a different place. When everything was so rushed and not really thought through on my part, I panicked. I became defensive. Rude, even. Things were said yesterday that could have been handled differently on both sides. I don't do well with confrontation. I become bitter, rude, defensive and I will make a snap judgement about you and the situation that may not even reflect the truth that lies beneath.
Anyway, now that I've made the choice that conforms with my Heavenly Father's will for me, I've felt a little more at peace. I'm still stressed out a bit because I don't have a place to live after the month of July. That scares me a little but at least now that I'm willing to do what my Heavenly Father wants me to do, I have hope that everything will work out. Even if Michelle and I don't end up living together after this next month, at least things will work out to where the both of us will be happy where we live.
So Michelle and I went visiting teaching and went home. I realized, as well, that I was pretty much a monster towards Michelle who didn't deserve the attitude that I gave her. I needed to think. I needed to pray. I simply needed to be alone. By myself. Michelle went to go visit some friends and I was alone to think without any interruptions. I needed to write out what I was feeling. I have always been better at writing what I feel rather than speaking it. It's just be easier for me to do it that way. So I wrote Michelle a note explaining why I had been so hesitant to move in with her to a different place. When everything was so rushed and not really thought through on my part, I panicked. I became defensive. Rude, even. Things were said yesterday that could have been handled differently on both sides. I don't do well with confrontation. I become bitter, rude, defensive and I will make a snap judgement about you and the situation that may not even reflect the truth that lies beneath.
Anyway, now that I've made the choice that conforms with my Heavenly Father's will for me, I've felt a little more at peace. I'm still stressed out a bit because I don't have a place to live after the month of July. That scares me a little but at least now that I'm willing to do what my Heavenly Father wants me to do, I have hope that everything will work out. Even if Michelle and I don't end up living together after this next month, at least things will work out to where the both of us will be happy where we live.
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