Have a little faith in meee

Sometimes I think that God likes toying with my emotions. He says do this and I'll take care of the rest. I do what He says only to find out that it was just a test of faith and nothing comes of what I endeavered to do in the first place. Then I go to the temple not asking why, but what was it that you wanted me to learn from making the jump only to be pulled back. It's always the same. "Faith. You need more faith. Don't give up. You know I wouldn't have let you go too far without being there for you. Just practice your patience and learn to have more faith in me." It's hard to have faith in something when whatever you're trying to do or want to do that is of value is put on hold because Heavenly Father wants you to do something different. It's been an exceptionally trying summer so far...and yes, it's only June.

I just want some relief. Relief from life. From people. From drama. I want to move back to California where I can start anew. Or maybe somewhere else where no one knows me. That's why I wanted to move to Seattle. No one knows me there. I'd be improving my resume and earning money for school while doing so.

Everything is changing and I feel that I'm not changing with it. The things that I wanted to do have been put on hold and I don't know where to turn from here. I feel lost and I despise the feeling. I'm half tempted to go to LA, find a job and not go home at the end of the week but I know that I'd be running away from the life I know here in Provo...and it'd be a lie. As much as I love my friends here, I'm running out of motivation to make a life in Utah. I didn't want to in the first place and I got stuck.

I feel like I need something more than Utah can provide.

Comments

Hooray!

I've lost 9.2 pounds in the last 6 days. I'm excited! The picture really doesn't have anything to do with weight loss per se, but it does have the word reduce on it and I took the picture, so I'm putting it up. :-]

Sleepiness becomes me

*sigh* I miss the ocean. Not really the Atlantic Ocean, although I have to say that the East Coast has some beautiful beaches. But the Pacific Ocean will always be home to me. I miss it. I miss the hot sand, the coconut scented sunscreen and tanning oil, the salty sea air, the random volleyball games, the hot surfer boys. I miss it all. Its my favorite place where you can watch the sunset while looking out over the water. Its amazing! Sure, it gets hot, but really? When you're there at the beach looking at the water, taking it all in, it doesn't really matter how hot it is. I've always loved the water. It has a calming effect over me like lavender oil in a steamy bath. I wish I could just be a beach bum for the rest of my life. I'd take photos and sell them to support my needs. Kind of like what Thoreau did at Walden Pond. I really only need the simple things in life and the beach and ocean. I could get along without my phone and definitely without my alarm clock. Just

Slowly but surely

The weight loss has slowed just a little. I've only lost roughly 3 pounds this week. But I am determined to lose at least 80 pounds by my birthday. It's a tall order that's for sure. I have about 34 days to do it. I have to lose 2.4 pounds a day to surpass my goal by a little over than a pound. I suppose I'll have to be more diligent on my diet and exercising. I won't be disappointed if I come close though. The whole point of me going on any sort of exercise/diet plan is to get healthy and to get ready for Hawaii. I refuse to fly on a plane at my current weight. Mostly because I don't want to be embarrassed if I have to get a seat belt extender. I don't want to. I refuse to be one of those people that have to get special accommodations because of my weight just to fly. I think that I've come a long way from how I ate and exercised before. I pretty much look forward to my walks every day and I don't crave soda anymore. I actually had about 4 ounces of

A Little ♥ and Soul

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