I'm listening to one of my roommate's sleep cds. She listens to it when shes in bed trying to, well, go to sleep. I feel completely relaxed right now. Anyway, today was a good day. Went to church. Felt the spirit during sacrament. Got released from being Relief Society pianist which is probably the greatest thing ever right now. I know who they're calling to replace me and apparently she really needs to be needed right now. She broke up with her boyfriend a month ago (?) and I guess its been hard on her. I don't know...but still. I'm down to one calling and feels lovely to be back to normal.
People were actually social today at church. Except Blake. I didn't get to talk to him today. He's a different story though. Lynne actually came and sat with Laura and I at Break the Fast after the block. Of course, she had 2 of her "clique" friends with her, but still. I was pleasantly surprised. A friend from back home moved into the ward a couple weeks ago. I wasn't sure if he remembered me or not because he hadn't said anything. But today, he was like, "You're Joyce? From Fresno?" Its nice to have a familiar face from the past in the ward.
I've been thinking about the old group I hung out with last summer lately. Things have changed a lot in the past year. People have moved, moved back, have gotten offended or have just moved on with their lives. Its strange to me that some people don't fit into your life because you've grown up a little or have gone through something that the other wouldn't understand until they got to that point in their life. Its weird to me that I'm not invited to movie or drink nights with this particular group. Part of me wants to be offended but the other part doesn't really care at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm still friends with them. More acquaintance friendly with some of them rather than, hey, call me when you want to do something.
I think that I've gotten a little hermit-ish in my old age. I value my alone time but more often than not, I crave the closeness of a tight knit group of friends. I don't know how to really find that group here in this ward. At work, its just my brother and I. My brother will always be my brother making a bond that surpasses that of a friend. So finding friends through my work is basically pointless. All my old friends are living in different cities or states. The friends that I considered closest, most of them are married and have kids.
Maybe I'm too guarded? Maybe I'm just not putting myself out there enough to make those bonds with other people. Heavenly Father puts people in different situations to strengthen the skills and abilities you have and to maybe find a talent that could work for your benefit. Making friends has never been a hard thing for me to do once I get past that initial barrier. I just don't put myself out there enough, I guess. I come off as being shy or a little too unmotivated too initiate any sort of friendship. I'm just not interested in the fair weathered friend right now. The people in my ward will either be the fair weathered friend or they'll be around for a while as my friends.
I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore. I just want things to go a different direction right now. I need things to pick up in the friend department so I'm not sitting at home on a Friday night...alone. Lame. I know. Maybe once I don't have a gapping hole in my mouth, things might look up.
Anyway, now I'm feeling relaxed and lonely. I need to sit outside and think about things that'll make me happy.
Good night.
People were actually social today at church. Except Blake. I didn't get to talk to him today. He's a different story though. Lynne actually came and sat with Laura and I at Break the Fast after the block. Of course, she had 2 of her "clique" friends with her, but still. I was pleasantly surprised. A friend from back home moved into the ward a couple weeks ago. I wasn't sure if he remembered me or not because he hadn't said anything. But today, he was like, "You're Joyce? From Fresno?" Its nice to have a familiar face from the past in the ward.
I've been thinking about the old group I hung out with last summer lately. Things have changed a lot in the past year. People have moved, moved back, have gotten offended or have just moved on with their lives. Its strange to me that some people don't fit into your life because you've grown up a little or have gone through something that the other wouldn't understand until they got to that point in their life. Its weird to me that I'm not invited to movie or drink nights with this particular group. Part of me wants to be offended but the other part doesn't really care at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm still friends with them. More acquaintance friendly with some of them rather than, hey, call me when you want to do something.
I think that I've gotten a little hermit-ish in my old age. I value my alone time but more often than not, I crave the closeness of a tight knit group of friends. I don't know how to really find that group here in this ward. At work, its just my brother and I. My brother will always be my brother making a bond that surpasses that of a friend. So finding friends through my work is basically pointless. All my old friends are living in different cities or states. The friends that I considered closest, most of them are married and have kids.
Maybe I'm too guarded? Maybe I'm just not putting myself out there enough to make those bonds with other people. Heavenly Father puts people in different situations to strengthen the skills and abilities you have and to maybe find a talent that could work for your benefit. Making friends has never been a hard thing for me to do once I get past that initial barrier. I just don't put myself out there enough, I guess. I come off as being shy or a little too unmotivated too initiate any sort of friendship. I'm just not interested in the fair weathered friend right now. The people in my ward will either be the fair weathered friend or they'll be around for a while as my friends.
I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore. I just want things to go a different direction right now. I need things to pick up in the friend department so I'm not sitting at home on a Friday night...alone. Lame. I know. Maybe once I don't have a gapping hole in my mouth, things might look up.
Anyway, now I'm feeling relaxed and lonely. I need to sit outside and think about things that'll make me happy.
Good night.
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