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Mother

I feel like a broken record here on dear ol' blog. I write about my mom. A lot. Today in the United States is Mother's Day. This is year 20 that I haven't had my mom here on earth to celebrate her. We got to celebrate her one last time before she died 53 days later. I take the time to remember her on her birth and death dates (coincidentally, my sister and mom share the same day of birth.) but Mother's Day is always hard for me. I kind of gloss over the day all together and now that I'm sitting in the dark without my mom I'm sad. This year on July 4th my mom will have been gone 20 years. She has been gone for more than half my life.

I don't remember doing anything especially out of the ordinary for my mom on Mother's Day when I was younger. Looking back I wish I wasn't such a selfish kid or at least paid more attention to special days to celebrate my mom. A year or two before my mom died, she wrote me a letter for Valentines Day. I think she knew something was going to happen where I would need that letter in my life. I haven't read it in year but almost every time I'm cleaning out my closet or moving (which usually happens at the same time) I find the letter and read it and it makes me miss her even more. She was proud of the fact that I spent some time teaching my sister some song for some church thing and that I taught myself to play the piano. I don't recall what else the letter said but I find peace in the fact that she was proud of talent I worked on developing as well as practicing more patience with my sister.

As a single adult in my late 30s, I get overwhelmed at the thought of having children of my own. My uterus started to scream one day in my mid-30s and I kind of freaked out. The screaming uterus episode was cured by spending time helping my sister in law with my nieces and nephew. I don't think I'll ever birth a child of my own, but I hope to adopt some day. Being a parent is an overwhelming thought so I'm going to stop thinking about it...

I miss my mom every day but Mother's Day makes it especially hard.

I love you mom. I wish you were here.

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